The death of romance

Chivalry is dead, and women killed it, so the saying goes. It would be simple enough to blame women exclusively for the death of romance, but that would be too easy. Nevertheless, it's no secret that chivalry is dead and it's dragging romance down with it into an abyss of meaningless, vanilla flavoured relationships and sexual encounters, leaving a wake of cold, unfulfilled loneliness.

So who killed it?

Simple, women killed it, but men fucked it up in the first place.

Women killed it in the sense of expecting way too much from her man where his limited beliefs extended to sending her 10,000 roses to her office reception or presenting her with a new love-wand, batteries included, thinking that it's sufficient enough to show his romantic side.

She also killed it with the fear. Fear of rejection and fear that her man may misunderstand her gestures of romantic advances towards him, fear that he may not actually appreciate her effort, him overlooking her effort, or worse... him thinking she is showing obsessive behaviour. So to stave and save herself from pity or shame, she does not deliver all she can, a great disappointment, and in many instances, this is the disappointing reality. Sadly for her, she is obviously with the wrong man who cannot appreciate her.

But in general, men are dicks.

Yes, it's true, but they're not entirely to blame for ruining romance. Men have misunderstood the circumstances and romantic rites due to a lack of knowledge and the rate of evolution that has happened in the past decade or so, and the first casualty was the imagination.

Albeit, fear is also his hindrance where he is just as afraid to express himself too soon or too excessively which may scare her off. Unbeknown to him, she may have had her heart-broken by the asshole before this one, who also expressed his romantic side, but only to get a good shag out of her. Sadly for Mr New Guy, he is clearly with the wrong type of woman if she will treat every new man like her last.

Then there are romantic movies, which have contributed hugely to this confusion where he feels outdone by her favourite character in her favourite scene and feels he cannot measure up to flying her to Bermuda for a 3 day romantic getaway, and so it's just no point to try, or he perhaps failed to do some homework on what she may like... or worse, failed to realise what women want.

But then there is also society, the very society which has changed how we perceive relationships, courtship and how boy meets girl and what the level of being acceptable and normal has become.

Take for instance the special cases where women killed romance and chivalry through sheer persistence of the alternative sisterhood to shun off chivalry as a sign of weakness or inequality. Being a gentleman could be considered condescending or demeaning, yet many speak of seeking Mr Right and yearn of being wooed by Prince Charming. But these are sporadic cases and best ignored as they will soon be adopting 18 cats and living as spinsters.

On the flip side, the lads' locker room will express a different opinion: Just shag her and leave the romance for the movies.

And thus the tug-of-war continues.

Traditional courtship is becoming extinct on how boy meets girl. This is where the boy sees a girl, boy woo's girl, girl flirts, boy flirts back and they continue with the ritual. This is now replaced by turn-style relationships and subjecting oneself of being processed in a tumultuous attempt to gain swipes, likes, booze, ass-grinding, bullshit and meaningless sex, and of course, being pushed in and out of situations, one after another - and always leaving a void.

With an endless pool of potential sexual partners at our fingertips, or at the end of the bar, fulfilling sexual needs is boundless, the sense of being fulfilled, however, is either seldom found or goes un-nurtured to the point where a real bond between two souls is not granted a chance to forge an ounce of emotion. Make no misunderstanding, not to say this will last forever either, but what better way to fulfil a void of connecting with another human being by expressing emotions, even if it was for just for a moment.

The new form of forging courtship is easily ranked and identified in its intensity as to the number of dates it takes before they sleep together or how many times she can ass-grind his crotch in one song.

This is where the romantic qualities have diminished into a pit of frivolous and meaningless sexual encounters, a process which is now adopted and present in our recent evolution as a society in the hope of eventually finding “the right one”, without too much effort, of course...

Is this another extension of instant gratification?

God forbid that emotions are expressed at any point as this would imply some human qualities, so instead, the better option is to suppress any desires to intertwine fingers and locking eyes in an intense sexual gaze, is to rather increasing thrusts and reps per minute and perhaps pass over a wink or two during the afterglow, which will hopefully guide one to gauge if this was a perfect match or not.

Spicing things up with sex toys, lingerie, outfits and lubes with longer lasting flavours, are finding their way into relationships more than ever before. The sex aspect is not what necessarily needs the spicing up, it could be the hollowness and void forming deep within that is in need of something new, like emotions in the form of connection? A new emotional experience is needed, not another buttplug.personally,

The embrace of two people caught in a moment of pure instinctive bonding in a slow dance or holding hands, walking arm in arm, spending quality time together, without the sex should have some sort of priority or some form of extended affection.

Lust, desire and a hunger for passion are engulfed by sporadic boosts of dopamine and serotonin shots, induced by limerence as the delivery method. This feels good, but it's limited if there is no substance to base the emotion on.

This is probably why most relationships are doomed from the start where limerence has taken the forefront in forging a bond between two people, and as lousy luck and science has it, limerence has a short life expectancy which inevitably results in a lull.

Riding on the limerence wave will of course eventually peter out as we greedily consume all the good feelings during this time, the wane is yet to come where we begin to see things differently.

It's at this point where your beau seems to suddenly become less attractive and less appealing and flaws start showing up, and why not? The limerence is just a state of being at the start of all relationships. It’s at this moment that we start re-evaluating our situation, but fail to realise that this crucial moment makes or breaks the relationship. It either forms into genuine love if there is a strong foundation and enough time and effort is applied, alternatively, the relationship becomes another statistic and another entry in our little-black-book.

The bygone era and generations coped with this wane, and best expressed through music and media. Romantic songs, movies all depicting and advocating love and intimacy and a new sense of excitement that can’t be touched, simulated or induced artificially, but through soul connection.

Needless to say, that soul connection can be temporary too as part of a state of limerence, but the effects are strangely more lingering and lasting. A romantic and fulfilled feeling remains in the afterglow as opposed to just lustful fucking, it also helps form a fundamental bond between two people.

Fuck less, dance more.

Two bodies closely aligned and moving slowly in synchronicity to the music, the closeness of cheeks, feeling of each other's breath... all this with clothes on... How this will end, one can only guess...

And there is a reason for this, it's called basic instincts, which no amount of toys or tail plugs could ever replace, it’s instinctive, and best captured in a moment.

When last did you slow dance with someone and truly be caught up in the moment of pure connection? The 60's portrayed this best on how love is generated with countless songs depicting love and emotion. Sure, he ended up spanking her ass and left her standing, but there will always be the one moment where you can honestly say, “damn, that was a fucking intense moment!”

Hoochie-mamma ass humping and grinding with the juddering of tracks as she performs another slut-drop is slightly off the romantic scale. The sexual charge and energy will be there, but again, lacks the enthusiasm of romantic desire. Granted, the idea of spending an entire evening waltzing to Glen Miller is on the opposite side of extreme, but the careful balance of taking a woman in a Tango in an imaginative state of being Al Pacino is where it all lies.

Of course, not all of us can pull a Tango off quite like the great Pacino in Scent of a woman in the Tango scene, but the effort, the music, the desire, the movement, the closeness does make way to compensate for the lack of dance moves. And what man wouldn't want to be Lt. Col. Frank at that moment, absorbing the scent of a woman, guiding her across the dance floor, sexually charged to the point of generating absolute want versus instantaneous lust or dry humping her leg.

What woman wouldn't want to experience being Donna, even once? Acting or no acting, the eyes and micro gestures Gabrielle gives off are a dead give away that she loved every second, it’s no doubt there were more things wet in that scene other than his lips.

So who should we blame? Society? Men? Women? Circumstances?

Neither, blame ourselves for allowing the romantic gestures being stripped from our very souls and existence, denying ourselves or partner of pure soul bonding experience. Unless, that's the very problem, the fear that we may be expressing ourselves too openly to the person in front of us as to how we feel and how they would react to our romantic advances?

Well, now, then you're with the wrong person. It's not a mystery why as a society we feel empty and lonely after a sexual encounter that was purely for sex and lack of emotions, or worse, a single direction of emotion without reciprocation. The organ of delight may have been fulfilled, but there is something missing on a spiritual or soulful level where the loneliness and emptiness wells up with self-pity, misery, more regret and doubt.

And we wonder why so many of us remain alone and lonely?

Regardless of the history or circumstance as to why romance has dwindled, it's a fatuous exercise to suppress the urges or to expect the opposite partner to initiate romantic gestures, in any form... get romantic again, get that Procol Harem tune playing and steal a slow dance!

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