"So, where are we going with this?" The inevitable relationship question

Anyone who has dated enough or been in a relationship, would at some time or another been faced with the questions... "so what are we?" or “where are we going with this?"

Being all different, we would naturally all respond differently. Some would welcome this question while others would feel the effects of a post-brain aneurysm coming on. Whatever side effects you experience, the question is usually responded by a monochromatic and dull, "let's see what happens".

What this response implies and reflects, is uncertainty, fear and doubt. Nothing more, nothing less.

The uncertainty reflects from social pressure and over-emphasis as to the degree of expectation, intention and commitment that each relationship status seems to demand. There is always going to be a degree of uncertainty that gets attached when it comes to positioning a relationship. And this why we as people need to label.

The sole purpose of labelling a relationship is to determine the level of emotional investment we are willing to give to someone. Are they worthy of our investment? Or worse, are we worthy of their investment?

This is where fear and doubts will shift into place, bringing on a new set of dynamics.

Fear of commitment, fear of expectation, fear of rejection, fear of being misunderstood, fear of hurting someone and of course, fear of being hurt ourselves.

Then there are the doubts. Have you picked the right one? Could you do better? Should you kick more tyres? 

Can you commit? Can you do this? 

Starting to make sense?

Now let's cut through the bullshit of social norms! 

Relationship statuses are dictated by 4 fundamental aspects. Are you shagging? Are you shagging other people?

Do you spend quality time together? Are there deeper emotions at play?

To help you along, here is the straight-to-the-point-cut-the-crap list of relationship standards and protocols:

#1 - Just friends

You’re not dating and you’re NOT having sex with them. But whoever you are dating or screwing at the time, will get jealous of them hanging around.

You two get along so well, spending cutie-time with each other, go shopping for clothes, running a few errands here and there, and sharing the occasional milkshake together. So much so that you often hear, "awww, you two should get together". Enough to make you sick right?

There's just not enough sexual tension between you two to hit it off, so you're better off remaining friends.

#2 - Friend Zoned

This has the same characteristics as a Just Friends situation. There is just one difference.

One of you has a little more emotional attachment invested in this relationship, which without a doubt usually involves a little sexual desire. Unfortunately, this is not reciprocated. All innuendos and flirtatious gestures are intentionally ignored, from a subconscious or conscious attribute.

Just the thought that a frappe-buddy could be compromised by the exchanging of fluids is too unbearable to imagine.

#3 - Talking (TLKNG)

The beginning stage, asking each other tailored and hypothetical questions; what they like, what they do, how they do it, etc.

It can be an excruciatingly tiresome exercise finding what makes someone tick for the first time. With the number of processes and questions that you have to endure, it could feel as though you're about to buy a fucking airline.

Think of it as a sort of culling, or purge. You need to split the herd between the weak and lame, from the strong and worthy.

Once you've sussed each other out, only then can a new relationship status be forged.

#4 - Dating (DTNG)

Undoubtedly, there are too many debates and disputes which end up in misconceptions as to what dating really means. The exponential degrees of dynamics and overwhelming circumstances, often overshadow just how straightforward this term really is.

Saluting the simplicity, and remembering that this is a temporary phase. Based on how you say it, mean it and how you two get along will determine what happens. next.

So what do we mean by how you say it?

Consider the following phrases for instance:

“I'm on the dating scene” or "I'm dating again". This comes across that you are on the market and possibly dating more than one person at the same time and possibly including a few sexual encounters here and there.

“I am dating someone”. It does not necessarily imply you are dating only one person but comes across as if you are.

“I am dating [that person]” or "we're dating". Sounds as though you could be exclusively seeing each other, in which case it's time to bump this into the next relationship phase. There is, however, a possibility that you could also be secretly screwing someone else on the side, in which case, you are still pretty much still on the market until you make either "date" exclusive...

#5 - The Friends With Benefits (FWB)

The infamous “no-strings-attached” situation. You get all the perks that a boyfriend/girlfriend status has to offer, minus the "commitment" factor.

This includes good sex, Netflix, cuddles, dinner together and the occasional naked massage while wearing the face of being emotionally detached as a Lover. 

Sometimes there is an exclusivity contract set in place as to whether you can bang other people on the side, but usually, this is discussed and if it's agreed upon, you end up in the next relationship status, like PMX.

Do FWB situations end up well? Well, lucky for you, you can read up about what each relationship has to offer.

#6 - Fuck-buddy (FB)

Your Fornifriend, Coitus-coach, Bang-piece, "This is my, umm... friend". As vapid and tasteless as the terms sound, it pretty much describes what's to be expected.

However you decide to refer to this person, it is what it is, neither are that close as friends and chances are you never will be.

Who cares? In the meantime enjoy copious amounts of sex, dinners, movies and similar fun stuff that an FWB would have to offer minus that little extra care.

Sure, you're not quite sure what each other's favourite colour is, nor do you care. As long as you at least know each other's surnames and where every freckle and beauty mark is privately located, enjoy it while it lasts. That is until it runs it's course - It eventually does. 

This can become toxic for both of you if it's left to fester too long when there are doubts involved. The minute either start wondering if this is as good as it gets or it's not as much fun anymore, well, that's your cue.

You going to have to start cooling it down, in other words; time to end it. Move on and find something new if this is "as good as it gets".

#7 - Pretty Much Exclusive (PMX)

You've kicked the tyres, had the test run, and like what you see. You've both decided that neither of you are on the market for anyone else.

This is now your official Boyfriend / Girlfriend stage.

Although fully exclusive and no L-Bomb has been dropped, the commitment is not necessarily long term either. 

You may want to trade them in after a few months or years. In the meantime, you're having great sex, great times, great conversations and getting along. Who knows where this could lead to?

#8 - Lovers (LVRS)

Someone dropped the L-Bomb - and it was reciprocated. The word "love" starts to take priority in this relationship. Probably why it's called "Lovers".

The feelings have moved from your groin area to where your heart is, where you actually start to care about this person. So much so, that you are not playing around with other people anymore. The next step could lead to long-term commitment, like marriage or if you hate the word, we meant life-partners.

#9 - Sex With Ex (SWEX)

As it says on the tin, having sexual encounters with your ex. Can't cope being with each other for longer than 48 hours at a time, but have the best fun when you're together. And... it's the best sex you've had since the breakup.

Congrats, you're in the SWEX category, keep it simple and have fun with it.

#10 - The On-Going-Booty-Call (OGBC)

The most rudimentary form of all relationships. This is sex, and sex only. 

No cuddles, no Netflix, no chats and no dinners - besides the occasional baked beans on toast, maybe. The less you know about each other the better, it's casual. So casual, that your caller is usually found drunk and horny in your apartment between the hours of 12 and 8 am.

This may sound ideal and convenient for those who like their own space or allergic to commitment.  But, you may want to first consider the fact that you will always be the afterthought - as in the one who gets to host a drunk and horny "caller".

The same caller who has managed to strike out with everyone at the party, including the leftovers. You could have been invited, but, you know, this would probably just complicate things, right?

You're pretty much one step short of adding a service charge for your "welcoming amenities" you have to offer. 

Well? Think about it, Hookers at least get paid for the same shit that you're offering, with no baked beans either!

It can become toxic, and it doesn't say much about you. Bump this off the list, you'd be better off with a 

Fuckbuddy instead, one who would at least invite you out now and then.

So the next time you get asked the question by your partner, you have something to go with. Because, let's face it, responding with, "well we kinda like each other, so let's see"... just won't do.

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